On My Mind

My dreams are jumbled up, so much I want to do…. So much I feel the need to do, so many restrictions…. 

All the responsibility in the world, the curse of the 1^st born

Yet I love it all, I crave it all…. I secretly love knowing I'm needed…. I secretly love knowing I'm appreciated, I confess… though I play it off
I'm happy you are happy, this makes me happy…. I'm happy your dreams are coming through… I'm happy your needs are being met
Maybe someday my dreams will be met….. Maybe someday I will achieve all I want…. Maybe I can be superwoman
Maybe I can believe in my strength like you do…. Maybe, just maybe…. Maybe my story will have a fairy tale ending
Whatever that is?
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Hi folks, how are you doing? That's just a pseudo – poem as I like to call it that just reflects all I have been going through in my head lately – I believe its self explanatory – my dream is that I live up to the expectation of others for me, and that I surpass them as well ….I wish I wouldn't be so hard on myself sometimes….I also wish I had all the resources I needed to achieve everything as well…..I think this is why I have been sad… In due time I guess…. I pray God help me

In other news – I have a couple things I want to touch on….Roc will say "Random Random Random" lol….

I hate that guys in naija are always talking about how all they have to do is show money and girls are ready to sleep with them.... this really bothers me, it's not like all the boys who are talking are fine or even remotely are rich so what's the deal? I'm not in naija, but I am a naija girl and so please tell me why this is so? And this is a general consensus it seems like ….funny enough a friend of the best friend had mentioned the day before how she wants to be a housewife…. I've always said if I met a man that mentioned that he wants one, I will tell him to be prepared to give me in DOLLARS, the amount of money I have spent in school fees and lessons and exams and school books and all related expenses since from when I was 2 – 23….to each their own, I'm not trying to argue here that you shouldn't be a housewife, what I hate is that you play that card to men and they have a story to tell… never thought this will still be a topic in the 21^st century, but I'm beginning to think as long as humans exist we will have such discussions…. Now some will argue that I am just independent – I am confirmed – no two ways about it, but being independent has nothing to do with me wanting to pay bills….my man can pay all the bills he wants… I will save my money….save it in investments for my kids, and my grandkids and for the orphans I hope to raise as my own… needless to say this is my opinion, especially from experience and no having a shop is not a job…..

Ok so somebody told me "I know you love music, it fills you, challenges you, gives you an orgasm, inspires you and does what a man can't for you" – lol, I reckon this is an accurate assessment NO?

So I've known this guy for forever that always goes "o I can't do long distance, but I will marry you once you move" then proceeds to talk about how this one girl is the one for him even though she is …..Wait for it, wait for it? More than a thousand miles away….. Yes you guessed it right…. Ladies ladies ladies, let me just tell you this…never ever settle, cos a man won't settle and even though he is with you will keep looking for who he considers the perfect one for him…. The right man for you will move mountains to be with you, as much as he can…. Just be wise, females and males alike

Which brings up the topic, I have no jealous bone in my body….. A lot of you will argue this to death…. But I don't…. my best friend says that's my own defense mechanism, plus I always know that I have folks that I know love me so I'm never worried… I think she is right, what do you think? What I do possess sometimes is envy – envious of the perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect family, the better talent… but don't worry I always remember to slap myself when it happens sometimes

My biggest fear…. I won't get married …especially more and more as I see my friends settle in relationships and we draw apart…. Again I'm reminded I need new friends o, as my role is becoming less and less, thank God for twitter and blogsville…. lol

My one secret…. I wouldn't for the life of me be able to tell fake designer apparel or accessories from real ones…. Please don't laugh at me, but the truth is I don't know what designer anything looks like…. I've mentioned before I hate shopping for clothes and ok like shades, I've worn glasses for as long as I can remember, blind without them so can't wear shades much…. All the designer shoes are too expensive for me, so never owned one….o but I have a YSL wristwatch if that counts J

Hmmmm so boy talk… so I did tell you that the one guy here in the H, straight up goes he wants a friends with benefit kind of relationship gig…. Not that kind of girl, but he is good people, I reckoned I could keep him around to make out with (don't judge me, it's been a hot minute)…. So I told him u know I'm celibate and loving it, and he insists that we will do the "do"….. That is where he messed up…. You see I reckon that I might have in time been willing to (body no be firewood, plus he is accessible) but I don't take kindly to been told what I will or I won't do, especially about my own body and because I'm still behind in my ways and think I don't want to be another number in his black book… am I wrong? No other boys in sight…. Twitter crush doesn't seem to be feeling me anymoreL, but hmmm I have my sights on another person In a bit… I miss He some-days, totally understandable I reckon….and I hate guys that try to act too familiar and call me "iyawo" and "wifey" and shit… this week i've told two such boys that they need to stop that, cos I will never be( I know harsh right?)

Ok so to end this, this is a picture of me the next day to work, after being sad all day prior(picture goes down in 24hrs)…. I wore yellow twice that week and even pink (I hate pink) just so I could brighten my mood – and it worked, plus since everybody noticed and mentioned it, my spirits were lifted…. People you hold the key to your happiness, don't let depression take control ever… o and any recommendations to do something new and fun and cheap, I really need exciting in my life

P.S I LOVE YOU