Waddup tho?

That's a Michigan slang btw, i miss my siblings sha :(.... Hello guys, how are you doing? Hope your week was good? It snowed all day yesterday, about 15-19 inches, so babes are sitting at home chilling. Actually have a lot to do and i'm being lazy :))


School is going good, its definitely a lot of work as any graduate program will be, i just forgot how much. I have actually been out of school for a year + sha. So my one professor gave us the book for free (He co-wrote it) and i honestly see why he did. That book cannot sell, as in its impossible, its such technical jargon, you need more than a doctorate to understand it o. Mschewww, me that i was happy that i didn't have to pay for book. I'm so burnt ehn.


So i'm highly flattered as to how well you guys know me, re: tell me one thing about me. I was shocked that one or two people caught on that i'm a private person. As open as i am, in sharing everything, i am the most private person i know, like even with my best friend. People often tell me, including my siblings, i never know what you think and i'm thinking i talk a lot though how is that possible?


Some other things mentioned were: "I'm in love" (this is still true), ;i care a lot" ( i do the most actually, but i can't seem to help it) "You always see the good in people. You are one for believing in people. You are an optimist"(so true, plus i expect so much from people, so no one to blame for my disappointments really) and "i love God" (without question). Thanks a lot guys for the answers, i'm quite honored.


So i was called out on not doing Music Mondays and Praise Thursdays anymore. I do apologize, i will get back on it starting Monday, although will share a song at the end of this post. Its funny cos i will hear a song and think i ought to share with you guys and i will save it on my bb. so i do have a lot to share.


In random news: I get questioned a lot about what i say and what it means, and how it could have been interpreted as something else and how they perceived it as something else. I wonder if this happens to anyone else.


I do not see whats wrong in egg donation. Plus its 8k here in jersey (yes i checked), plus i can actually help somebody. The argument that essentially i will have a kid out there is mute to me since i did not carry said child in my tummy and will not be raising the child. It takes more than dropping your semen/eggs to be a parent, i would know.


IF and i pray its an IF at 35, i do not have a man, i will go ahead to getting a kid, naturally or by adoption. There is no ifs or maybes about it. And no i'm not afraid that i'm reducing my chances from then ever having a man, because if i'm meant to have a man at that point, he would be a man that loves me and my kid. Shikena.


Which reminds me, something i'm praying on right now is this fear that i am going to end up alone. Its funny people see me and say you will be married soon (my aunt said she won't be surprised if i'm married this year, lol) and yet i keep seeing myself alone. I feel like my love is not going to be enough or it will be too much it drives him (anybody) away.


A friend of mine (we've been friends for a while) did tell me the other day he loved me and wanted me (known this for a while, but this was different, this was genuine) and i hurt for both of us. One because i know how hard it must have been for him to tell me that, knowing i did not feel the same way. I also know about having that same feelings and not being able to say it (i haven't told BB) and i also know about wishing that the person you love would tell you those words and mean them and show it to you.


I have being eating extra healthy lately, like its so disgusting. Hardly put salt in my food, eating more fish than meat, loads of fruits, like i'm seeing myself doing this and i'm complaining but i can't change it. The day i'm going to go crazy and gorge on a tub of ice-cream will soon come i'm sure. I do wish i drank more water tho, i hardly drink anything. Have i mentioned that i hate public toilets so i try not to have way too much liquid in me, esp when i'm at school. 


I take horrible pictures though guys, like i will look at myself in the mirror and think "o you look good" and take a picture and think "gosh i'm ugly" and the one good pic you see is after i have taken and discarded a 100 before :(


I think thats about it guys. I hope all is well with you. I wish you an awesome weekend. O if you are in the NY/NJ area and want to go out, let me know. I have this fine dress i want to so desperately wear :). I leave you with what to me is one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard and i play everyday since i got it.

P.S I LOVE YOU