#Random
Imagine this scenario and really take a minute to think about it.
27 year old girl, she's been with her man for 4 years, he is also 27, committed loving relationship and all. She just moved away for a job opportunity that she would have been a fool to pass up. For the first time in four years, she won't get to see her man, every other weekend. Said man then decides you know what, its time to do my own thing, i'm tired of working for the man. Here's what i'm going to do, i'm going to quit my job, go back to school, so i can work on my art during my spare time, sell my car since the city i'm going to has good transportation and stay in my boy's basement in the meantime. The program is a three year program and that should give me enough time to have set up, be independent and all that.
Now, the questions are?
From the woman's perspective - Is it wise to wait? - Consider that this is the man of her dreams, and there's the extreme pressure from family telling her, she's getting older and she needs to get married? I just got this job, i can't move. I love him.
From the man's perspective - Am i being selfish if i tell her to hold on? Maybe i should let her go, because there are no guarantees? I'm also moving to a totally different city. I just don't see how this will work, because of the distance and less time. I love her.
Is the man being a coward? Does he not love her enough? Or is using this is an excuse to quit? Is love enough?
What are the logistics to make this thing work? Who suffers? Who benefits?
There's only one rule - Don't look at this from a christian/faith perspective.
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How is it that people think its ok, to insult one or disrespect one for having a different opinion. It's one of the reasons i don't comment on blogs, because i will be compelled to insult you and your family to the fourth generation for doing such. Is this just me? I don't tolerate it, you insult or disrespect me once because i have an opinion different from yours, you simply no longer exist in my life. I mean my best friend and i, we argue all the time "o, you listen to me" "no you listen to me' -we never agree. I have never insulted her or disrespected her.
This is what happened yesterday and the person goes "Wetin you de feel like?"
I am feeling like someone who doesn't think i should like something because majority of folks like it. I am feeling like someone with a brain who can make a rational decision to say, you know what i think this is mediocre and not up to par for what i think great standards should be. I am thinking that my opinion does not make me better than you and i will never think that to be the case. I am thinking that you thinking your opinion is all that matters, makes you a very small minded person and the argument that other people like what you like as an addition makes it even worse.
That's what i'm feeling like.
******
There you have it, looking forward to your responses.
P.S I Love You.
27 year old girl, she's been with her man for 4 years, he is also 27, committed loving relationship and all. She just moved away for a job opportunity that she would have been a fool to pass up. For the first time in four years, she won't get to see her man, every other weekend. Said man then decides you know what, its time to do my own thing, i'm tired of working for the man. Here's what i'm going to do, i'm going to quit my job, go back to school, so i can work on my art during my spare time, sell my car since the city i'm going to has good transportation and stay in my boy's basement in the meantime. The program is a three year program and that should give me enough time to have set up, be independent and all that.
Now, the questions are?
From the woman's perspective - Is it wise to wait? - Consider that this is the man of her dreams, and there's the extreme pressure from family telling her, she's getting older and she needs to get married? I just got this job, i can't move. I love him.
From the man's perspective - Am i being selfish if i tell her to hold on? Maybe i should let her go, because there are no guarantees? I'm also moving to a totally different city. I just don't see how this will work, because of the distance and less time. I love her.
Is the man being a coward? Does he not love her enough? Or is using this is an excuse to quit? Is love enough?
What are the logistics to make this thing work? Who suffers? Who benefits?
There's only one rule - Don't look at this from a christian/faith perspective.
*******************************
How is it that people think its ok, to insult one or disrespect one for having a different opinion. It's one of the reasons i don't comment on blogs, because i will be compelled to insult you and your family to the fourth generation for doing such. Is this just me? I don't tolerate it, you insult or disrespect me once because i have an opinion different from yours, you simply no longer exist in my life. I mean my best friend and i, we argue all the time "o, you listen to me" "no you listen to me' -we never agree. I have never insulted her or disrespected her.
This is what happened yesterday and the person goes "Wetin you de feel like?"
I am feeling like someone who doesn't think i should like something because majority of folks like it. I am feeling like someone with a brain who can make a rational decision to say, you know what i think this is mediocre and not up to par for what i think great standards should be. I am thinking that my opinion does not make me better than you and i will never think that to be the case. I am thinking that you thinking your opinion is all that matters, makes you a very small minded person and the argument that other people like what you like as an addition makes it even worse.
That's what i'm feeling like.
******
There you have it, looking forward to your responses.
P.S I Love You.
The two options are very limited. Relationships take work, each one deals with different problems. Is it fair for her to wait? Wait for what? she's 27, if being married at a certain age is her goal then no it's not. If this is teh man of her dreams then it won't be easy but she will understand his need and work with him. Sacrifices are inevitable.
ReplyDeleteDude asking, is it selfish? depends. I've never understood why people think a relationship and chasing yoru dreams are mutually exclusive. Does she want to be let go? Ultimately this is a couple that have been together 4 years not a new couple. He has decided to move anyways.
I think what bothers me in the scenario is they both seem to be thinking ahead to obstacles that haven't happened instead of what they know now. Apparently LDR isn't an option, it'll be a different case if they tried and failed.
The guy will be a coward if he knows deep down, he doesnt want to be in a relationship and honestly doesnt know if he wants to marry her and doesnt tell her or if he just isnt being honest with her. Again, theyve been together 4 years they should be able to discuss everything fears and all.
No love is not enough, she can leave him if she can't wait and try to find someone that matches up to him. SOme may say it'snot that cut and dry but sometimes it is but when we add our human complications and emotions it becomes this huge thing that it really isnt.
I would suggest it depends on where they are on the relationship continuum.. The scenario you've painted seems to suggest that there is both a history and a commitment to a shared future. If indeed that is the case, perhaps both people should be taking these decisions based on what potentially works best...
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, they're only 27.. plenty of time to restart and reinvent...
Taynement said it well. Although I don't believe her age has anything to do with it.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest problem for me is the part where he will be putting her "on hold" to pursue his dreams. Why can't she be part of his dreams? But then again, if he really doesn't wanna be in the relationship, call it quits.
Love is never enough. It'll only work if he sees her in his life and if she's willing to wait for him to get back to the point where he feels like he is ready to settle down.
I've recently started believing that the secret to a good relationship is to not go into it thinking you will leave at the first sign of trouble. So if they are both willing to stay in it and COMPROMISE, then I really do believe the relationship will work.
Taynement couldn't have put out my thoughts better. Pursuing your dreams and having a relationship are not precisely mutually exclusive. Both parties just need to understand that there will be highs and lows as well as needs to compromise (as with any other relationship for that matter) during that course.
ReplyDeleteThat said, since they think so highly of each other, why can't they give LDR a try? Cos quite frankly, the distance is not much of a hurdle if they really want to be with each other.
On who suffers, they both do. Similarly, on the long run, they both benefit too...
I would have to agree with Oye... THe funniest thing is that I just got of the phone of a long winded argument with my best friend over the same issue. He feels that you cannot have a relationship (most especially marriage). while pursuing your career. One must be sacrificed to achieve the BEST of the other...
ReplyDeleteI dont agree... Why can't, we, as mature adults who know/ or have an idea that we want to spend the rest of our lives together plan the near future as a unit. Why did they not plan to find jobs and schools in the same area.
What stops them fro marrying now *Court wedding* and saving the ceremony for a later date. Money?!
In america marriage is economical and is encouraged by the government for that reason. Better taxes breaks...
Why not build together. isn't that art of the experience. let us go into the marriage with what is "ours"..not just what is "mine or yours"...
It's all about sacrifice I think. If they were to go ahead and marry right now -would that put a stop to the pursuit of their individual dreams? If the guy really wants her to stay with him, he should propose to her. Nobody deserves to be put on hold, not for love or anything whatsoever*
ReplyDeleteAnd lastly they need to meet each other half way.
What i can say is the intensity of the feelings involved in the relationship is what'll prompt any decision both take.The guy would know if he wants her to wait and the gurl would know if she would wait.What they need is to sit down and talk.I also think Blogoratti made alot of sense.
ReplyDeleteI think everybody has pretty much said it. I think they shd give LDR a chance, and at least know that they tried; better than wondering "what if". And I also think that its is somewhat unfair and selfish to ask the girl to "wait". Wait for what exactly? What for him to decide if he will marry her? Or if his business will grow?... I say they shd give themselves a timeline, lets try and mke this work and she where we are 12-18months frm now.
ReplyDeleteThere is never truly a perfect time for marriage, because even after marriage, obstacles and trials still come...its how the two parties involved handle them together that matters, and helps to strengthen the relationship.
@all - Thanks for the comment guys. i appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteLike Taynement said, "I think what bothers me in the scenario is they both seem to be thinking ahead to obstacles that haven't happened instead of what they know now". They both seem to have certain latent reservations. They need to bring them out, talk and decide together whether they will work at it or call it quits.
ReplyDeleteThanks Oye..
ReplyDeleteHey thanks for sharing an experience with us , i'd just like to say that I understand it can be difficult to be separated by the one you love , but she should consider whether her job is really worth it that she can afford to leave and be with him.If it is , then its up to their discussion.Its all about sacrificing but its also your call.
ReplyDelete@Cfa - Thank you :)
ReplyDelete